Are you submissive? Do you fancy the notion of giving control to someone else, either for a few hours or for the rest of your life (insofar as your relationship with that someone else is concerned)? Submission is not about being a timid wallflower, or about letting people walk all over you. Nor is it about having nil self-esteem and an inability to stick up for yourself. Submission to someone else requires mutual love, trust and communication above all else. Everything else, even if it is important, is secondary. Without those first three things, the others may as well not exist.
While the Dominant may hold the reins (figuratively and sometimes literally), the submissive (in this case you) has a great deal of control. He or she may guide you, but when you come to the relationship with a healthy sense of self, it enriches the partnership beyond words. Guidance, care and authority are well and good, but the Dom/Domme is not a parent, but a partner. If you lack a sense of personal responsibility or adequate self-esteem, any relationship you attempt is likely bound to fail. Emotionally stable individuals fare far better in such an environment than do those who are not.
Also a D/s relationship is never about abuse and subjugation and, within reason, you have the ability to say ‘no’. You as the submissive can accept or deny your Dominant’s authority over you, and it really is not ‘on or off’. The exchange of power comes in multiple shades that are colored by what is going on at the time. That said, in the realm of safe, consensual, and wholly desired experiences, there is a certain way that things are done, a certain set of rules that a good submissive should follow in order to keep their Dom/Domme happy. But just what are they?
Once your Dom/Domme and you have established limits and boundaries (which are not static and can fluctuate, depending upon the scene and mood), it becomes your duty to please your partner. If it is the pleasure of your Dom/Domme to take control of you – mind, body and soul – then that is what they will do. Only trusting your Dom/Domme not to cause you undue harm and to rule you with a firm yet kind and loving hand will allow such a bond to be cemented. With such control, what do you do? You put your Dom/Domme first. He or she has your best interests at heart, and know what it is you want, how you want it, and how best to bring you to new heights of passion, pleasure or pain. There is a sort of serenity in letting your Dom/Domme take you to the brink of your endurance, then nudging you over the precipice when the time is right. You should be able to trust in him or her to know when that time is.
Your Dom/Domme’s rules for you are meant to bring you up, to enlighten you, to open you up to new experiences and to revel in familiar ones. Your Dom/Domme acts for your benefit, even if you might not think so at the time, so appreciation, devotion and obedience are key. When approval for what you do comes from both sides, it enhances both of your lives and gives you as a submissive a solid base from which to learn and grow.
If you take anything at all from this, it is that a healthy, loving and entirely mutual relationship is the only true way to approach a rewarding and enriching D/s partnership. Your partner may do unspeakably wonderful things to you, but in turn, you must reward that loving and stern hand with the adoration and devotion that its owner deserves.