Many people will say that dating your ex is always a bad idea, but in reality you’ve got a couple of good things going for you already. First, you know each other. There’s no period of adjustment when dating your ex girlfriend – the two of you share an intimate knowledge of each other’s habits, mindsets, and personality traits. Because of this, your ex will seem familiar to you… and you to her. This can be comforting, and the two of you can easily settle back into some cozy old patterns.
The problem however, is that you want to change things up a bit while dating your ex girlfriend. Doing the exact same things is going to give you the exact same result: a break up. Whether you’re working on winning back your ex or you’ve already gotten her, the two of you should make some adjustments – and even repairs – to your new relationship. This will give it the best chance of survival, and will lay some ground rules that will keep you and your girlfriend happy as you build a future together.
Understand that your relationship will be fragile after first getting back together, so you’ll want to baby it for a while. Instead of showing up at the same old haunts you used to go to, try taking her somewhere new. Create new experiences and have fun new adventures that won’t contain any of your old memories. Some of your past history together might still be a sore subject, so by going new places you’re eliminating the chances of relapsing into the same old funk you used to be in when you broke up.
When you first meet up with your ex, you should keep things casual and fun. If she’s laughing and smiling with you, don’t worry about discussing the break up or the things that happened between you. Your reunion date will turn into a second date, then a third and fourth. As you start seeing each other again, maybe one or both of you will wonder if that means you’re back together. This is good, because the two of you are getting along and getting closer to each other again. Once that happens, it’s time to talk about things.
The key to discussing your break up? Do it once, and only once. Make sure the two of you get to say everything you need to, and get everything out in the open. If something’s been bothering you, tell your girlfriend. If something’s been bothering her? Let her talk. Neither of you should interrupt the other. Once these things are on the table, talk constructively and calmly about how to go about fixing them. If you can approach this from a neutral standpoint – where neither side is blaming the other for anything – you’ve got a great chance of coming up with solutions that you can both agree upon. This is a huge step in getting back together with your ex girlfriend and building a new future together.
Once your talk is over, let the past be. Everything that happened before you broke up should be swept aside in lieu of a more important agenda: rebuilding your relationship. By starting with a clean slate, neither one of you will fear being punished for sins of the past. Anything that you might’ve done, or that she might’ve done? Let it go. By making the decision to date your ex again, you’ve effectively forgiven each other for whatever happened. It’s healthier to move forward without looking back.
Now if you’re having trouble getting to the point where you’re meeting up with your ex girlfriend, that’s understandable. After a break up, it’s often hard to know exactly when and how to contact your ex. You first need to create a situation in which your ex girlfriend misses you, and eventually starts thinking about you again. There are many ways to do this, and all of them differ from situation to situation.