One of the worst things about becoming friends with a girl you really like is watching her date other guys. As you sit back and pretend to be happy for her, inside your stomach is just turning over and over. And if this girl was once your girlfriend? It’s ten times worse. As she’s kissing this new guy and going out with him, all you can think of is the great times you had with her… and how much you want those times again.
There is good news and bad news about being friends with your ex girlfriend. Let’s start with the bad news first.
Staying friendly with your ex after a break up might seem like a great way to stay close to her, but what you’re really doing is burying yourself deeper and deeper into the friendship hole. When your girlfriend broke up with you and asked to stay friends, she effectively handed you a shovel. The longer you stay her buddy, the deeper you’re making that hole. Eventually, you’ve dug yourself so deep that you can’t climb out of it – your ex now sees you as a friend, and only a friend. She’ll call you up when she needs a shoulder to cry on, when her car breaks down, when she needs you to help reboot her computer… the list of platonic chores goes on and on.
And what’s worse, the further you get from when you actually dated this girl? The more into the “Friend Zone” you fall. Very quickly you’ll find that you have no shot of getting your ex back.
Instead, what if you refused that shovel? What if your ex suggested you stay in touch as friends, and you said “No thanks, I don’t think it’s a good idea”. How would your ex girlfriend react to not seeing you anymore? Not hearing from you, either through phone calls, emails, Facebook, or anything else? Would your ex miss you? Would she want you back? These are things you’ll never find out if you’re busy staying friends with your ex. Because by accepting such a lame role, you’re giving your ex girlfriend all of the emotional comfort and companionship she’d get from a relationship with you, but without any commitment. She gets to date other guys, you get to watch.
But there’s good news about your ex wanting to be friends with you after the breakup: it usually means she’s not completely over the relationship yet.
Any girl who dumped you and no longer has feelings for you isn’t going to bother with you anymore. But by keeping you in a friendship type role, she gets to keep you ‘around’ while she decides whether or not to make the break up permanent. What she wants is for you to be there in that role, but keep your hands off.
What you need to do is effectively say “screw that”, and wave goodbye. Do your own thing, and drop out of sight for a while. This forces your ex to make a choice: does she want to date you again? If not, she risks losing you as a friend as well as a boyfriend, and she might not be willing to take that chance.
Stand up for yourself by refusing to be demoted to mere “friends with your ex”. If you want to get back together with your girlfriend, work toward that goal. There are techniques you can use to get your ex back, and paths you can take that will lead back to her heart. And guess what? None of those paths lead through friendship.