It happens a lot – you meet a great new girl, you guys click, but there is one problem…
She has a boyfriend.
You know you should move on. But you can’t get her out of your head. Don’t worry, if you really want her, there is a way. It’s underhanded, potentially unethical, and probably not the best course of action. Yet, I know the answer is wanted, because as a dating coach it comes up time and time again. “Kurt, how do I pick up a woman who already has a boyfriend?”
It’s simple. Separate them.
Enough idle chit chat. Let’s get down to business. First, you must become part of her life. Not an acquaintance, or some dude she works with. You must enter stealth mode. Find something you have in common, and establish a connection with her, with some underlying flirtation involved. This flirting must be subtle, not direct. Think of this as planting the seed.
Next, slowly begin to bring your conversation with her toward her relationship problems. You must work around the edges, slowly, until she reveals her problems to you. And she will reveal problems, because no relationship is problem free.
Typically these problems revolve around money, sex, work and house work. These are the areas you want to bring up in conversation to see what she reveals. Often, when she brings up a minor problem, it’s really the surface of a deeper, touchier issue. For example, a small gripe about housework may actually be rooted in her problem that she feels her boyfriend is controlling the relationship.
What to do now? Blast her boyfriend? Not quite. First, slyly keep bringing these issues to the surface. This will constantly remind her of how unhappy she is. While you’re doing this, you must also keep flirting with her indirectly. Otherwise you’ll be her friend. Not wanted. Soon, she’ll start to openly complain about every bad aspect of her relationship. This is where you can really screw it up if you don’t know what you’re doing.
If you’re too agreeable with her, you’ll be thought of as a wussy in her eyes. It’ll be obvious you’re trying too hard to win her affection. And if you attack him, you’ll find she is likely to defend him, and this makes her concentrate on his good qualities.
Here’s a better way: give her scenarios justifying her partner’s actions while making it clear you don’t behave the same way. For example, “While it’s not common for guys to do that, maybe he does it because…”. Usually, humans want to win arguments. You are setting up an argument with her, and for her to win it, she will have to convince you that her boyfriend is no good for her. This will also convince her, too.
So, let her win. After a good debate, agree that she is right. You’ve argued for her boyfriend’s qualities, and lost. She’s right and you’re wrong. And because you were arguing for her boyfriend, he is also wrong. Get it?
This works on another level, too. It allows you to stay undercover. No one will suspect you sabotaged the relationship. After all, you were sticking up for him. Diabolical. From talking with her about her relationship, you’ll know what she really wants. And you’ve created a void from what she wants and what she currently has. It’s time to fill that void. Slowly, start acting like the man she wants to have. If her boyfriend never gives her anything, casually give her gifts. If she is sexually frustrated, increase your flirting with her.
While this is happening, you also need to start making her jealous of you. For example, jealous of other women in your life. You must date other women, and make sure she knows about it. Even better — date women you know she doesn’t like. This does two things. First, it makes her wonder why you go out with women she dislikes, instead of women like her. That’s good. Second, it demonstrates you have attractive qualities, because other woman find you attractive.
What else? If you can manage it, get her friends to help. Only do this if you’re sure you won’t get caught. This works two ways: have them think highly of you, and lowly of her boyfriend, and that she should date men of your quality, and not his.
This process takes time, is fraught with peril, and is ethically questionable. Actually, it is much easier to forget about that girl and spend your time on women who are single. That’s nice in theory. However, in the real world I meet guys every day who know this is true, but still can’t get the “magical woman who has a boyfriend” out of their head. If you really want to go down this road, I have given you the map.
Use it at your own risk!