How To Stop Being The Nice Guy To Women

I bet you are sick of getting rolled over while you see great women end up with what you consider to be “jerks.”

Am I right in assuming you want to know how to stop being the nice guy to women?

On the dating women radio show I co-host, we have a couple strategies for you to end the “nice guy syndrome.”

Before we get into these, let me emphasize that women should be treated with respect, affection and romance over the long haul. This article is NOT a guide for you to learn how to be a jerk to women. However, many “nice guys” suffer from the “too happy to be there” attitude with women and they give up too much of themselves too soon.

It is awesome to be “nice” to your girlfriend, fiance or wife (as long as she is being “nice” to you) but too many guys want to give a complete stranger respect, affection and romance.

I am all about giving respect early on (as long as I get respect back) but she must earn the affection and romance part of the equation.

Which brings me to my first strategy.

ONE: She must earn your affection and romance

So, you are attracted to her. Does that mean that you should fawn all over her with affection, compliments and gifts? How has that worked out for you?

We teach guys on the radio show to be GENTLEMEN. You will hold the door for her, walk on the outside, open the car door, pull out her chair and treat her with respect (as long as she is respecting you back).

You will not, however, tell her how beautiful she is 100 times, you will not give her a gift (candy, flowers and other presents are OUT for the first 10 dates), and you will not tell her how lucky you feel that she is out with you. Ever.

Remember, she is a STRANGER (and yes, that includes a girl that has been your “friend” for awhile, because things change when you date).

Just because you are into her physically, that does not mean you have to give up the farm to her.

Let her earn your affection and romance. You must adopt the attitude that you have a lot to offer.

I bet a lot of people are mystified that you do not have a significant other. They tell you all the time that you would be a great guy for any woman and that the women you are seeing must be “idiots.”

Is that true? I bet you have dated your share of idiots but as you look back at the man in the mirror, did he do too much, too soon, via gifts, compliments and attention before a woman really earned it?

TWO: Slow and steady

Dovetailing on strategy 1, slow and steady will allow you to make her earn you as a boyfriend.

What do I mean by that?

Specifically you are to employ mystery/challenge, let her think you are dating other women, and make her wonder about you when you are not there.

Too many times the “nice guy” is perceived that way because he charges in, announces how beautiful she is, showers her with gifts and attention, and wants to hang out with her all the time.

The woman has no doubt that you want her and you are ready to be her guy.

Problem? They DO NOT respond well to this (as you well know).

“Gee, I really thought this is what I wanted. I have never had a guy treat me this way before but (insert the guy she is dumping you for here) just makes me feel a certain way. I know I am crazy for letting you go. I guess I am crazy.”

Ever hear a variation of the quote above from a woman?

You see, she responds a lot of the times to the “jerk” because he represents a challenge to her. The “jerk” is often a negative challenge in that he does not employ respect, affection or romance and does not last very well over the long term, but he beats your nice guy routine nonetheless.

She does not want to know she has you by date 2.

The key is to be a POSITIVE challenge to her. You will not give her too many compliments (you are allowed 2 per date. You can tell her she looks nice when you pick her up and then tell her you had a fun time when dropping her off).

You will not give gifts. You will not tell her how happy you are to be there. The key is to make her laugh by keeping things light and funny and you will not reveal yourself or your feelings to her.

In fact, you want her to do most of the talking.

The sense that she should have at the end of a date is that she had a great time and laughed a lot but she does not know much about you. She also should have NO idea that you want her for a relationship. Yes, you will be a virtual mystery to her!

In fact, you should be evaluating her for a relationship. Is she worth it? Too many times a guy gets so into a woman physically that he forgets to check if she has integrity, a flexible personality, a giving spirit, a kind nature and is clinically sane (this is the only type of woman to have a long term relationship with).

As you evaluate HER long term potential, let her wonder about you.

You will do that by calling her every 5-9 days per date with NO contact in between. You will end dates while they are still going great. In other words, if you are having a great time, and you are 3 hours in, then end it. Let her anticipate the next date. If you hang out too long with her in the early stages then she becomes to familiar with you. You have to let her get to know you SLOWLY.

You will not go out with her on a Friday or a Saturday night until she asks to go out on those days.

Basically, you want her to think you are seeing other women. If she is the long term type I described above, she will respond positively to competing for you.

Listen, even the nicest girl in the world will EAT YOU ALIVE if she thinks she has you all figured out early on.

As a POSITIVE CHALLENGE, you need to provide her with, well, a CHALLENGE.

Yes, as she “earns” your affection and romance, you will be NICE to her but you will never be a pushover as you probably are now.

If you want to know how to stop being the nice guy to women, then employ the 2 strategies above and you will be well on your way.

Remember guys, she wants you to be nice to her only after she has earned it.



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