I get a lot of emails from wives or girlfriends who are concerned about their husband’s or boyfriend’s female coworkers. Often, the woman will notice that her man spends on awful lot of time talking about this other woman from work, so it would be reasonable to suspect that he also spends a lot of time thinking about her too.
Often, women have an undeniably intuition that something is wrong here. Sometimes, he also talks about or mentions other coworkers without you having any reaction at all, but the mention of her just feels off to you. There’s something different about the way he talks about her and about the way he looks when he’s doing it. He becomes more animated or involved and you can’t help but wonder just what is at play here. In short, alarm bells start to ring and you wonder if you’re just being paranoid or insecure or if his talking about this coworker as much as he does could be a warning sign that he’s having an affair with her. I’ll address this in the following article.
You’re Right To Be Concerned, Most People Cheat At Work: Before I go into the signs to look for, I have to tell you that’s it’s reasonable to be concerned. You may well be paranoid or insecure, but it’s a fact that most cheating and affairs happen with people met at work. This makes perfect sense because other than home, work is where most people spend their time.
It’s difficult to be with people over eight hours per day and to not bond with them. People are encouraged to work together closely in their jobs and this often leads to people crossing the line, even when they don’t intend to. Add this to the fact that he can’t seem to stop himself from going on and on about her, and I understand why you are worried.
Is His Talking About Her All The Time The Only Thing That You Are Noticing Or Is There More Cheating Warning Signs?: To be fair, it could be that your man thinks of this woman as part of his team or one of the boys so he’s just not censored when the contemplates her. This is sometimes the case. But, if you’re seeing and hearing him talk about her constantly and other things seem off, then the odds are greater that something is really going on.
That’s especially true if you notice changes in the way he acts around or responds to you. Is he distant or critical? Cold or not affectionate? Does he suddenly have weird excuses for why he can’t be with you as much as he supposedly would like? Do you notice changes in sexual intimacy or frequency? See, his talking about her in and of itself may mean nothing, but when added up with a bunch of other red flags, it may equal the sum of something that points to cheating.
You Don’t Want To Be The One To Bring Her Up First: Many people will ask me should they just ask their man if anything is going on with the coworker. I don’t advise this for a few reasons. First, extremely few men are going to pipe up and say “OK, you caught me. Yes, I certainly am having an affair.” This is just not the way that it works. They will deny it until they are caught or until they can not deny it anymore. Plus, you don’t want to draw attention to her or show that you think there’s something remotely special about her. You want his attention on YOU and your relationship, not on her. Finally, if he is cheating, you don’t want him to know your suspicions. Because if you do, he will only make it harder for you to catch him.
Instead, you want to bide your time and wait and watch. You want to make a list of everything that seems weird and then follow it up without his knowing. You want to check his cell phone for calls from her during non work hours. (If you don’t know her number, you can get it from reserve cell look up.) You can also tap his computer to see if he’s chatting with her or emailing her.
You can actually see the exact context of the conversations and there is also phone software that will show you the exact context of their texts. It’s actually much cheaper and easier than you might think and with the technology available today, you can often have your answer for under $30 and in under a day’s time so if this is bothering you, be proactive so that you can either put this worry to rest or know the truth, whatever that may be.