I am having a serious problem with my boyfriend. His best friend is a girl and I cannot help feeling jealous about it. I know I should handle it but when they go out to the movies together and talk on the phone I feel really insecure and suspicious. My boyfriend is fed up with my jealousy and told me I need to grow up. He tells me he loves me and that nothing is going on so how can I stop feeling this way and accept that my boyfriend has a girl best friend?
This three-way relationship requires a lot of understanding. Your boyfriend feels caught in the middle of two women he loves and your feelings of insecurity and jealousy may force him to make a choice. The fact that your boyfriends best friend is a girl should not make any difference. If he has had this friend long before you came on the scene then I would not worry. If anything more than friendship were going to happen between them it would have by now.
A best friend is a very special relationship and if you continue to cause problems between the two them you will, probably lose him. You have to find a way to sort out your feelings. Unless he has done something to make you feel insecure you need to know they are your thoughts and may be unfounded. Your boyfriend telling you to grow up was a little harsh but he has obviously had enough of your jealousy.
You could try to get to know his friend a bit more, which may help you feel more relaxed about their relationship. Making an enemy of her will be a guaranteed way to cause a break up with your boyfriend. So he has a girl best friend instead of a guy he likes to hang out with. What really is the big deal? I think you would be insecure in any relationship because you have issues you have not sorted out. Maybe you have been cheated on and you are not over it or maybe you feel this girl is better than you in some way. Feelings of insecurity always come from somewhere so if you need to get a bit of counselling to get to the heart of what is bothering you do it. If you do not resolve it any relationship you get in will be affected. Next time it may be the amount of time your boyfriend spends with his sister or mates that drives you crazy.
Talk to your boyfriend and tell him you know your jealousy is causing problems for you both and you are going to try and change your attitude. He says he loves you so maybe it is time to believe him. Give him his space with his friend and enjoy the time apart yourself. You must be exhausted by now trying to watch their every move. Your boyfriend will love you even more for letting him have time out. Meet up with your own friends and have some fun time yourself. Stop brooding about what they may or may not be getting up too. You have no control over that anyway.
You could suggest that you all go out together sometime giving you the opportunity to show your boyfriend you accept his friend. I am sure your boyfriends friend has been worried about how you have been feeling. You are going to have to trust that he loves you and has chosen you not her as his girlfriend.
The fact that your guy has a female best friend could even work in your favour. When you have an argument and he talks to his friend. Her point of view will be coming from a feminine angle. Try to relax and enjoy the relationship.
On the other hand if your boyfriend has a girl best friend that does not like you and is causing trouble you are going to need to stand your ground. She may be used to having her friend all to herself and does not like this intrusion. Even friends suffer from feelings of insecurity and jealousy and may try to break up the relationship because they are afraid of losing them.
Same advice applies as before. Try to make friends with this girl, as it will show your best friend you want to get along. If your male friend looks like he is enjoying two girls fighting over him tell him he is being a jerk. As his friend you may be able to make him see how much it is hurting you.
It is not uncommon for friends to feel jealous when they get anew girlfriend or boyfriend. That close bond that exists between best friends can last a lifetime. Trying to break up a friendship because of insecurities and jealousy will make you a lonely girl. So even if they appear to hate you respect the relationship and have some faith.