Mark was talking to a woman in a crowded, noisy bar so he made sure he spoke loudly so she could hear him. Everything seemed to be going well for the first minute or so and then she appeared to lose interest, grabbed her girlfriend and said "sorry, we gotta go". A few minutes later Mark saw the same woman talking to other men. What did I do wrong? Mark thought to himself.
Millions of singles go to bars to drink, meet people, and to hook up. For some men, this is the only way they know how to meet women. Bars come in all shapes and sizes. You've got your hole-in-the-wall establishment all the way to the large, extravagant bar with a live band or DJ. The hottest, trendiest bars are always packed on the weekends and are swamped with gorgeous women. The bar owners know if they can get hot, young women to go to their establishment, the men will follow. The men will buy them drinks, they'll spend money on appetizers (if they have a kitchen), and so on.
Talking to women in bars presents some advantages because you can talk to dozens of women in the course of one night because they are all there in one spot. It can also be a disadvantage if everyone sees you hit on every thing that walks. That actually makes you look bad. So what's a man suppossed to do? First off, you've got to have the right knowledge. With knowledge comes power. You've got to realize that bars are place for women to burn off some steam, maybe meet some hot guys, and to have a good time. Whereas men go to bars usually to pick up and "get lucky". This is the main difference between men and women in a bar setting. A woman can go out with her girlfriends, dance together, and go home thinking "wow I had a great time." If a man leaves a bar without a phone number or a hookup he feels like a failure.
It does not have to be this way. The first thing you have to realize is that you are not going to master the bar scene in one weekend. So you have got to commit to going out every weekend and even during the week to get this handled. There is no way around this. Unless you are consistently opening women and groups of women every single weekend until you no longer have issues with the bar scene, you are not going to get very far. So once you make a commitment, now you have got to see the bar scene for what it really is. Women go there to get validation, to get attention from men, and have a good time. Men go there to hook up. It is really that simple.
When you are talking to a woman in a bar realize that she is not being herself. She is wondering why you picked her to talk to. You can not give her time to think. This is why it is generally better to talk to someone as soon as you see them. Of course, as you get better at this you will know when to open and when not to. A woman is not going to let her guard down right away. If she is an attractive woman then she has been getting hit on all night, the prior weekend, and thousands of times over the years. So nothing you come up with will be new and original. She's heard it all. Or has she?
Every once in a blue moon the hottie will be approached by a man who never offers to buy her a drink. He talks to her in a loud, booming voice, but not in annoying way. She can tell right away that this man is not looking to get anything from her other than conversation. She can also tell that he is very confident because he is standing up straight, looks her in the eye, and seems to be calm no matter what is going on. She wants his attention but does not want to seem eager. After all, she does not want to seem easy.
How do you become such a man? A man who can attract a woman in a bar setting. What does it take? Like I said before it takes knowledge. Remember that a bar is not reality. The majority of women that go to bars are generally attention seekers, that's why they go. Sure, some of them want to hook up and over time you will be able to pick them out. Here's what you can do to make this whole process easier on yourself.
Go to another city that you rarely go to and find a hot bar or club to hang out at. All you have to do is ask around or do research on the internet. Websites such as Yelp can help you make an informed decision. For the first weekend go out by yourself or with a friend who understands what you are trying to do. When you enter the bar pay close attention who the bouncers are, the staff, and make sure you ask the bartender his or her name. Tip generously because that will make you stand out from the dozens of other patrons. I make it a point to get to know at least a couple of the bartenders at places I frequent. They know me by name, they know what I like, and because I tip well they make my drinks strong. So I only need 2 or 3 drinks tops for the whole night. You do not want to get drunk if you are going to approach women, it messes up your game big time.
Walk around and observe. What are the coolest guys wearing? Then go to the bar, order your drink, and chat up the bartender. Make sure you show up early before the crowd gets there, otherwise the bartenders will be too busy to really chat it up. That's all you're going to do your first weekend is to observe. This takes the pressure of you. Now here comes the toughest part. The following weekend you are going to go back to the same place. Do not think. As soon as you walk in the door approach the first woman or group that you see. Do not think. Just do it. It helps to rehearse some material before you go out too. But you do not want to rely on it.
Do not focus on the mistakes you are going to make because you are going to make a ton of them. That's part of the learning. Focus on having a good time, meeting new people, and having natural conversation. Make sure you talk in a loud voice, at least loud enough for them to hear you. Stay away from asking them what they do for work or what school they go to. Women think in terms of feelings and emotions, this is why it is important to have good eye contact with all of them, talk loudly, and staying relaxed. These women do not know you yet so they can not reject you. Talking to women in bars can be a whole lot of fun as long as you do not take it too seriously. If you do not have fun with this you are not going to be in the right state of mind to learn this. One of my friends pretends its a video game when he goes out. He gets one point for opening a woman, he gets 5 points if he can hold their interest for longer than 5 minutes and he gets 10 points for getting a phone number. His goal when he goes out is to get a minimum of 50 points. Sometimes he gets more than 100.
Talking to women in bars actually gets easier over time. If you do not practice you will never get good at this. This is like any skill. The first time you rode a bike or drove a car were you great at it? Of course not. It is the same thing with learning how to talk to women in bars.