If you have ever found that your spouse was cheating online, you know that it’s one of the most painful experiences you will ever go through. Often, you feel just as betrayed as if you had walked in on your spouse and another woman or man but you might even feel silly about the fact that it’s happening over the computer. You can wonder what in the world is wrong with you that your spouse is seeking someone else in a chat room, but you should know that you are not alone. This article will discuss important tips for dealing with your spouse’s online chat cheating.
Finding Evidence of Cheating
If you know that your spouse is using online chat to cheat, but you just can’t prove it enough to confront him or her yet, there are a number of ways to deal with it. First of all, depending upon the chat server your spouse is using, you can find the archived conversations. For instance, with Yahoo Messenger, simply log into your spouse’s instant message account (providing you have the password) and find the tab at the top that says ‘contacts.’ When you click this tab, look in the middle of the drop-down menu and locate the ‘message archives’ link. When you click that, you can easily find the archives.
If you don’t have the password to your spouse’s chat server, or they don’t have their messenger set to archive, you can use a keylogger. A keylogger is software that records any key strokes made on the computer. You can get these that are undetectable to your spouse.
Confronting Your Spouse
Once you have the evidence you need, and even if you weren’t able to get it, you need to confront your spouse. The truth is that chatting online with other men or women in a sexual or emotional manner is not right. They can debate about whether it’s cheating or not, but the truth is that it is not upstanding behavior for a spouse. Gently but firmly explain to your spouse that you know what is going on and that you want to deal with it. Gauge their response to know whether they are sorry and really want to work on it or they just don’t care. Use this as help when deciding what you want to do – whether it’s move on or seek help for the relationship.
Dealing with the Problem
If you and your spouse decide to work on the problem in order to save your relationship, you may need the help of a marriage counselor. Sometimes it takes an outsider to look in and help you find the root of the problem. Perhaps your spouse is bored within the relationship, lacking in attention or something else. If your spouse refuses to seek help, the decision is on you. Do you want to keep a marriage that is unhealthy or move on and heal alone? Either way, it’s a hard decision but one that is important.
Use the tips and advice above to help you deal with your spouse’s online chat cheating and decide where to go from there. Good luck.