First, here is what NOT to do: Do not gossip and complain to your girlfriends or others about your boyfriend or your relationship with him, even if you have officially split up already. Yes, I know it makes you feel better to talk about these things and unburden yourself. But your goal now is to get back with your ex.
By all means, chat with your friends, mother, etc. Try to keep it positive and constructive, for your own sake and the sake of your future relationship with your boyfriend. You were madly in love with that guy once upon a time, right? So there must be lots of good things you can say about him, if you really wanted to. The point is to keep things in perspective, while you work on those issues that drove you apart.
Now, what to do to get back with your ex? Obviously, the two of you have to get over this hurdle of not talking to each other. Your differences can only be worked out with good communication between you. But before you get to that, there are several steps you can take yourself.
You are probably feeling pretty bad right about now. Guilt, anger and a deep sense of confusion may be competing for your attention. Not to mention the pain at the loss of your relationship.
The first thing to do, then, is… nothing! The two of you need a break from each other, especially since he is not talking to you anyway. During this first few days or weeks apart, you may come to realize how much he meant to you. Think about your actions and behavior during the relationship.
Are there things you regret doing or not doing? Or saying? In the heat of a major argument, we sometimes blurt out things we later regret, and which hurt the other person deeply. Such comments are remembered forever, and will surely come back to haunt you. Take note of these behaviors, and resolve never to repeat them.
Your relationship was not perfect, I am sure. You probably know that they never are. They all need constant work and regular maintenance, to keep them humming along smoothly.
The good news is, your boyfriend is probably going through this same process of reflection as you are. He is thinking of you, missing you, and wondering if the two of you can (or should) get back together. Even more good news: Some 75% or more of broken relationships can be repaired. So your goal to get back with your ex is certainly looking good.
Alright, how exactly do you get your lover or spouse back? You begin with a good plan, and then you need to take action. Nothing will happen unless and until you actually DO something. Do whatever it takes, with love, passion and a sense of commitment that he can feel.
Start like this: After a while if you have not heard from him, give him a call, just to see how he is. Listen carefully. If he is glad to hear from you and willing to talk, that is a good sign. In a few minutes, you can suggest you meet for coffee, if he does not mention it first.
When you meet, talk calmly about the causes of your break up, and where you can go from here. Be sure you eventually get to the root of your problems. For example, one thing that may have driven you crazy is constant arguing.
But it will do little good to resolve not to argue all the time. You need to find and understand why you argued so much, and settle those basic problems. Reach for compromise and understanding, and this will encourage him to do the same.